Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Because Mr. Right Does Not Mean Mr. Perfect...

Dear Mr. Right,

I hope that this letter finds you in a good place in your life and that you are achieving peace and creating joy for yourself and others. I pray for you often and ask for God's guidance on our meeting.

The reason for this letter is to open up a line of communication that I hope we can experience throughout our lives together. If we know nothing else, we know by now, that not being able to communicate with one another only ensures an impending doom on what can otherwise be a beautiful relationship.

This is a collaborative letter, written from the heart of women who truly desire to be understood. You see, sometimes our hearts get involved too quickly and we lose our nerve to speak up for ourselves and set proper boundaries, before the butterflies set in. So, we have come together in support of one another to compose a message just for you. We ask that you respect our words and hear our hearts. We ask that you honor us by taking the time to read this letter with an open mind.  We ask, that you Mr. Right, hear how committed we are to making this relationship work and live up to it's fullest potential because you are worth it.

Some of us are very young and are just starting out on this journey of love. We haven’t had much experience with getting to know the opposite sex and we are a bit na├»ve about how men think and relate to us. We may be looking at our parents’ relationships and either wanting to find something equally as wonderful or extremely opposite. We don’t want to be pressured about what to do with our bodies when we’re just finding our own voice.  And even though we are constantly being made aware of your urges, we trust that God did not make you to be senseless about how you carry yourselves in that matter. We have desires too and for the most part we try our best not to lead with our sexy nature, it just makes us feel empty and cheated in the end.

We are inundated enough by our culture, religion and authority figures as to what to and what not to do in regards to sex. Please be part of the solution and not the problem. Let’s join our lives in such a way that our bodies don’t get all of the attention, which may leave our hearts deprived. We are not the majority but that’s what makes us treasures. Please think about that.

Some of us are not so young and not so new to this process. We may be divorced, widowed or simply abandoned. We are mothers, grandmothers, mentors, or flying solo so far.  We have given freely without understanding the consequences of refusing to look deeper into the lives of the men that we chose. Some of us were so afraid to be alone, that we jumped at the first chance we had to be married because we just wanted to be loved. Some of us were Daddy’s girls or not at all. In fact, the word Dad may be foreign to us and we learned to seek that out in a man as well.

Some of us have contributed to the demise of our relationships by complaining, being childish or placing unreasonable expectations on our partners. We may have been too young to understand what we were getting into but the thought of waiting did not appeal to us. Or it could be, that age was not the issue at all but we still lacked in emotional maturity.

Some of us have been abused, dishonored and hurt beyond words and we have been in a place of renewal and healing in order to be able to live and love again freely. 

Those of us who are mothers are fiercely protective over our children. You see, they have seen enough of our unhealthy relationships and we will not subject them to such destructiveness again. In fact, if we are being truly honest, we have a deep fear of bringing someone else into our lives that may damage our children’s perception of relationships for good. Our daughters need protecting and our sons need mentoring, so that they can see what a good man is, we simply cannot afford anything else. Please consider that deeply.

Mr. Right, we have read the relationship books, been to the seminars, conferences and Bible studies all designed to help women be the best wives they can be. It has been a bit daunting at times to think that some teach in a way that would suggest that the woman is almost 100% responsible for the heart of the home. We have been told time and again about your needs and perhaps that was necessary because the first few times that we heard the message we always responded with “what about mine?!” (Please be patient in that area.)

We understand that you need support, respect and encouragement. We know that your love language will more than likely include physical affection. We simply ask that you recognize that we need to be wanted all day in many ways and not just in the bedroom.

There are many things that we could include in this letter but we will have time to sort through our various questions and needs when we meet.
For now, we would like to leave you with this statement that embodies the heart of our message to you today:

Dear future love, I am willing to accept you for who you are the very essence of you. I do not wish to change you. You have many, many fine qualities. The fact is, I have never before had the courage to speak up for myself in this way and I think it would be unfair if I did not make you aware of the things that I cannot tolerate in a relationship. If we are truly meant to be, you will respect my effort and my new found voice…

I cannot tolerate:

Being dishonored by lying, cheating, disrespecting or demeaning me.
Not being your main priority.
Being made to feel inferior to other women.
Not being able to follow you because you are not God centered.
Weakness…it’s simply too hard to respect a man who has not developed a sense of strength.
Jealousy… why in the world would you want to be jealous of your biggest fan?
Insecurity...it is impossible to mother a grown man and maintain a healthy relationship.
Selfishness…it’s just ugly.
Narcissistic behavior…that’s a diagnosis and you should be taking care of that before meeting me. 
Physical or emotional abuse…it’s evil and I will not subject myself or my children to it.
I am too good of a woman and far too valuable to subject myself to any of this behavior. With that said, and understood between us, our future can be bright and our journey sweet.
With deepest love, until we meet.
Your very own, Mrs. Right

I offer my sincerest thanks to all my beautiful Sisters who helped me with this blog. I asked and you answered…how cool is that?!

Much love to: Auanita, Chelsea, Dody, Eden, Ja'el, M.M., Natalie, Rhonda P., Sharon, Suzanne, and Whittington this blog would not have been the same without you!

I wish you All MORE!
bfp

8 comments:

  1. I love your standards, Bonita, and I am convinced there's a man who's right for you. xo

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  2. Thank you Andra. I believe he's out there...not worried yet.

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  3. Love it to pieces! I know my King is out there some where.

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  4. He truly is Sharon. Thanks for your input!

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  5. Would not tolerate a man who looks at other women when he is with me. No, I am not jealous nor do I have low self esteem...but that is just disrespectful.....and yes, Bonita, I am much too valuable to subject myself to any of that! Men, please take notes. Amen and amen. What a great piece, Bonita. Blessings to all the women who gave input!!! -- Darlene

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  6. Bravo Darlene!!! How can we feel special in your eyes when YOUR EYES ARE EVERYWHERE!!!!

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    1. Wow, Bonita! Yes, you captured it. God has given you an ability to be clear and expressive with words! I love it... :) ....Far beyond what any university can teach!

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