Think of this in terms of your parents or whoever the caretakers in your life were.
You become who you resent. This was taught to me by a counselor years ago and it is a lesson that I will never forget. When we hold on to unforgiveness for those who have hurt us throughout our lives in any way and we refuse to forgive, resentment fills our hearts. This occurs through a series of judgments that we hold over our family members for their unhealthy behavior. We become so judgmental of the person or people who caused us pain that we silently fixate on all of their wrongs to the point of obsession. We think by doing this that we will be able to avoid the same behaviors, but this is not true. Obsession keeps us staring into the past.
When this happens we inadvertently begin to duplicate the very behavior that we are fixated on because it’s all we see in our minds eye. We have not changed the scenery of our thoughts making it impossible to produce a better life for ourselves, because we are constantly staring at an old blue print. So if there was alcoholism, neglect, abandonment, extra marital affairs or overall irresponsible behavior coming from our parental figures and we have never fully been able to forgive them, we are in grave danger of repeating the sins of the past by way of resentment.
Lord, unveil the hidden pains, hurts and devastations of my past that may keep me emotionally stunted and turn my voice into a bitter instrument of contempt. Help me to heal, reach inside of my heart and remove the hardness that has occurred through suffering. Free me Father, from the past so that I may be prepared to live anew and practice forgiveness in my future. I cannot do this without you…