Wednesday, April 30, 2014

This Heart...

This heart breaks slowly
The crack in a windshield
Spreading with frost
And time
No way to stop
The inevitable movement
Of the hairline fracture
In front of your very eyes
This heart
Yields slowly
To the unexpected
Yet expected results
Of being hit by a rock
A pebble
A stone

At first
Barely noticeable
Except to those who are
Front and center for the ride
But with time
And age
The breakage marches
 To the wind chill factors of life
Distracting my view
Pulling my attention
From the highway
Causing a hazard
Making me anxious
Needing to be totally replaced

This heart
Needs replacing
Like so many others
That have incurred injury
And suffered quietly
And unbearably
One day
A sacred hand
Full of mercy
Removes the damaged glass filled heart
And gives me
A brand new view…

                                                   Bonita Y. Jones “This heart” © 

Monday, April 14, 2014

Reality Checks Don't Bounce...

I know what it’s like to be a dreamer. I recently identified that I have been a dreamer for as long as I can remember.  As a child, it’s how I began to deal with grief. It’s how I found visions for my life. I dreamed of being a famous writer, of having a beautiful home, of living somewhere amazing but mostly…I dreamed of love.

I will spare you all of my gushy schoolgirl details of what I thought love to be but I will tell you that I equated love to being rescued. Whoever my Knight was going to be, he most assuredly was going to be the one who swooped in and saved my life. Over the years, he changed in subtle ways in my mind but he was always true to his ability to be my savior.

As I began to grow older, I tried without success to place that savior’s badge on the people who came into my life. Again and again, the badge always seemed to slide off in the course of the relationship, much to my disappointment.  Like the story of Cinderella and the glass slipper, I carried that badge in my pocket and took it with me wherever I went. My heart was on a mission to find my human savior.

When we set out to distinctly fulfill our own dreams or to bring fantasy to life, we come across some very dangerous wolves lurking in the forests of our journey. We get blindsided by our internal needs so much so, that we stop listening to our God given intuitive nature. At least that’s what God showed me when I recently asked Him how good people become delusional.  You see, I was asking God to reveal to me the seed behind pervading spirits like Jezebel and the like. I wanted to know not only how she became so powerful in the church but how she is able to hook so many people along the way.  Out of the many possibilities that exist, the one He highlighted for me was neediness.

Here’s the insight: This spirit began to grow in her/him as a child. Much like all of us, the need for love and affection, affirmation and acceptance went unanswered. The child began to crave a love that she never received. She was often ostracized and left alone. So dreaming became her escape. She dreamed a new family, a new identity, even a new look. She dreamed her way through life and kept going even after life seemed not to deliver. After a while she began to ‘create’ the world that she always wanted strategically. She pushed past the norm and found a way to trail blaze a powerful path. She sought out to set up a kingdom filled with people that could not disappoint her.  This spirit is often at the head of small businesses and ministries. She only allows those into her inner circle that she can control. She offers the world in exchange for your allegiance. She wants longs and needs to be surrounded by people of lesser savvy. She is bold and brazen while feigning modesty. Her agenda is to always stay in control. She morphs quite easily into a complacent person, who admits her fallibility and appreciates the fact that God would choose to use her anyway. She lives in her head most of the time and is often plagued by mental illness that must stay hidden. She is very, very, very smart and gifted, which is the camouflage that she uses to control the people in her sphere of influence. Weak leaders look up to her and married couples don’t stand a chance around her. But most of all, people who want a platform to step out on often fall into her pit more than anyone because she offers her kingdom for such. (See Matthew 4:8-9)

You might ask: What does this have to do with dreaming?

Well, what I have learned is that reality checks can save us from such a downward spiral. When we examine our lives and admit our pains, seek help and forgiveness, we put ourselves in a closer standing with God. When we accept that our Knight in Shining Armor is Christ himself THE HOPE OF GLORY, we take away the need to pin a badge on any other person. When we willingly admit to God that we feel alone, unwanted, depressed and cast aside, we set ourselves up for healing. When we (especially women) reject the need for a tough exterior but instead admit to our emotional needs, we allow God to fill in all of the empty places in our lives.  Yes, reality is a life saver.

Everyone has a God given desire to be loved and accepted. God is the giver of good dreams and when left up to Him, He will fulfill them. The problem begins when we stop believing that He is listening or even cares. The deeper problem is when we take our needs into our own hands, instead of allowing God to examine them and return them in a purer state. The most eye opening part about this spirit for me is that it carries with it an unfulfilled lust that can never seem to be satisfied enough, so it “dreams” up ways to further entrap people like a hungry hunter in the woods. It feasts off of others beauty and drools compliments out of its mouth to evoke a response. This is Jezebel on steroids!

After this startling revelation, which is still unfolding before me, I asked God for a full examination of my inward spirit. I wanted Him to x-ray my heart, mind, intentions, desires etc… I wanted to know what I could do to never end up this way. His response: “reality checks”.  Look at your life exactly for what it is and try not to create a delusional escape. Next, hand me all of your dreams and leave them with me, the ones that are from me will come to pass. The ones that are not, will burn up. This is how you escape the pervading spirit of the witchcraft that is known as The Jezebel Spirit.

We believe dreaming to be an innocent thing and it is. In fact it is God Himself who promises to give us dreams and to fulfill them. Dreaming is not evil. Evil comes when we become so self-absorbed, that we believe we have the ability to be the fulfill-er of dreams, for ourselves and others.

My advice to all of us would be to place a mirror in the living room of our spirit man and stand in it daily. If we can stand still in the presence of God and allow Him to examine what is in that mirror and then follow His instructions as to how to proceed, we have a much stronger chance of becoming whole and living our lives, the good and the bad, without delusions…

Matthew 4:8-9 Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. "All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me."

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Prophetic Word for the Spirit of Rebellion

What I see is a heart that seeks for so much love and attention
What I hear are words that summon such love behind a veiled face
Beloved I want to reach you
I want to transform you
I want to heal you
Yet you hide from me
And only show me your downcast eyes
You will not look up
Into the heavens
For fear of exposure
This is where you err
This is where you stray
This is where you meet me
But not the way I planned for you
The deceiver steals your thoughts
Before they are even manifested
He lures you into thinking about your greatness
Just to cast you aside later
Without a repentant heart
You will burn in the desert of the forbidden
You will seek fresh rain with parched lips
And receive nothing
I urge you beloved
Turn to me
Seek my face with all of my heart
While there is still time
No shame
Just grace
Don’t hide beloved
Don’t hide
I need you to stand with me
Not against me
I am for you
And I know the source of your pain
I know your loss
Your wounds
Your secrets
But you must
Bring them to me
I have angels on watch
To guide you safely in my presence
At this hour
At this moment
I wait for you
Turn beloved
And seek my face
Without disgrace
I will hide you
And keep you

In the shadow of my wings…

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Christ is just a stones throw away...

When I read about religious organizations or businesses weighing in on the “hot topics” of today’s political scene and I hear the demand to pick a side, I think about all of the people who have weighed in on my life and my choices. I think about the judgment that comes from choosing divorce over misery or the women who have to put up with abortion condemnation, while still hurting from their own memories. I think about how in order to be a certain type of Christian today, you need to stand up and openly condemn other's choices or struggles while standing between them and God to play judge.

I wonder what it would have been like to (literally) walk with Christ with that mindset.  Picture this: As He reaches out to the hurt and lost, his “followers” smack His hands away and say: “Not them Lord, they’re not worthy of your love or your blessings. Please heal and feed the worthy only.”

 I can’t even imagine the mere attraction to a belief system whose main preoccupation is to isolate others who simply want to cry out to God on their own behalf and receive the same love and grace given freely to all.

I wonder if where we “Christians” are heading has anything to do with the initial directive given by Christ while He walked the earth and how we got so far of course.  John 13:34 “A new command I give you that you love one another just as I have loved you…”

Either we are too busy making noise to divert attention away from our own personal struggles and choices in order to avoid judgment, or we are truly that blind to believe that the way that we have chosen is perfect and spotless.  Are we so brazen to be the one who actually picks up the stone in front of Christ to throw it at the very person/people that He wants to protect and save?  And how did that monster of judgment get to be so big within us?

It is unnecessary to continue with the redundant verbiage of:  “I love the people, I just don’t agree with their lifestyle.” Honestly speaking, no one cares and at this point few people believe that practiced jargon.

Would it be so hard just to say: “I love the people” and leave the rest up to God?