Prophetic Word for the Spirit of Rebellion

What I see is a heart that seeks for so much love and attention

What I hear are words that summon such love behind a veiled face

Beloved I want to reach you

I want to transform you

I want to heal you

Yet you hide from me

And only show me your downcast eyes

You will not look up

Into the heavens

For fear of exposure

This is where you err

This is where you stray

This is where you meet me

But not the way I planned for you

The deceiver steals your thoughts

Before they are even manifested

He lures you into thinking about your greatness

Just to cast you aside later

Without a repentant heart

You will burn in the desert of the forbidden

You will seek fresh rain with parched lips

And receive nothing

I urge you beloved

Stop

Turn to me

Seek my face with all of my heart

While there is still time

No shame

Just grace

Don’t hide beloved

Don’t hide

I need you to stand with me

Not against me

I am for you

And I know the source of your pain

I know your loss

Your wounds

Your secrets

But you must

Bring them to me

I have angels on watch

To guide you safely in my presence

At this hour

At this moment

I wait for you

Turn beloved

Turn

And seek my face

Without disgrace

I will hide you

And keep you

In the shadow of my wings…

Christ is just a stones throw away...

When I read about religious organizations or businesses weighing in on the “hot topics” of today’s political scene and I hear the demand to pick a side, I think about all of the people who have weighed in on my life and my choices. I think about the judgment that comes from choosing divorce over misery or the women who have to put up with abortion condemnation, while still hurting from their own memories. I think about how in order to be a certain type of Christian today, you need to stand up and openly condemn other's choices or struggles while standing between them and God to play judge.

I wonder what it would have been like to (literally) walk with Christ with that mindset.  Picture this: As He reaches out to the hurt and lost, his “followers” smack His hands away and say: “Not them Lord, they’re not worthy of your love or your blessings. Please heal and feed the worthy only.”

 I can’t even imagine the mere attraction to a belief system whose main preoccupation is to isolate others who simply want to cry out to God on their own behalf and receive the same love and grace given freely to all.

I wonder if where we “Christians” are heading has anything to do with the initial directive given by Christ while He walked the earth and how we got so far of course.  John 13:34 “A new command I give you that you love one another just as I have loved you…”

Either we are too busy making noise to divert attention away from our own personal struggles and choices in order to avoid judgment, or we are truly that blind to believe that the way that we have chosen is perfect and spotless.  Are we so brazen to be the one who actually picks up the stone in front of Christ to throw it at the very person/people that He wants to protect and save?  And how did that monster of judgment get to be so big within us?

It is unnecessary to continue with the redundant verbiage of:  “I love the people, I just don’t agree with their lifestyle.” Honestly speaking, no one cares and at this point few people believe that practiced jargon.

Would it be so hard just to say: “I love the people” and leave the rest up to God? 

How I get over STRANGER DANGER!

I was raised in a religious cult. It’s ugly but true. Therefore, I do my best to avoid clicks, social circles or individuals that seem controlling. I also do my level best not to be the source of either of those mindsets. There is a lot of danger in religious cults and many of the people involved in them can be seriously depraved. If you are innocent, honest and seeking, then your vulnerabilities can appear to them like bait on a hook.

At this point in my life, I see relationships, social circles and acquaintances in black and white. They are either good for me or not. They are either in God’s will for me or totally against it. They either flow like an easy stream down river or they clog and push against me like a barricade of rocks.

In the latter case, finding my way to freedom is a must.  The way that I maintain my freedom is to run to Abba and ask: Should I be a part of this? What is the purpose of me being involved? And finally: Did you orchestrate this fellowship?  Whatever the case, He answers and when He does, I try my best to listen.

Relationships on any level are difficult and they frighten me tremendously at times, there are too many people with too many agendas. Some wear masks, others play hiding games. Me, I just want to go into the woods and sit alone with Abba. The problem is, He keeps leading me out of the woods and right back into the stream. I have to trust that when He does that, it’s because He wants me to be a part of something greater, something enriching and beautiful and that as long as I keep my ear to his lips…He’ll tell me where the pitfalls are or show me how to swim pass the rocks.

Is counseling something you run to when you're desperate?

For the past six months to a year, I have had the privilege and sometimes the trying exercise of coaching some friends and dear people at various stages of their lives to overcome lifelong challenges. Some have gone through tremendous pain in their past, others are still walking out the gruesome details of abandonment, rejection and abuse to this day. Whatever the case, so far, I have not sat with a single individual with whom I couldn't relate to in some way or another. I believe that just like joy, pain is universal and it transcends age, race, geography and religious beliefs. We all suffer in one way or another, therefore there is a tremendous need for compassion and understanding.

I have experienced huge breakthroughs with individuals, the ones that stick to the process, refuse to lie about what is in their hearts and understand my role in helping them cross this frightening bridge, to get to the other side. I have watched a sobbing, petrified face totally relax at eased in the presence of God when prayed for. I've seen the question: “why?” sweetly answered in a way that only God can answer it. And I have seen change, that beautiful goal that seems unattainable in the midst of our sadness. I believe in counseling, I know it works but I could not do it on my own.

Christians, devout, praying, church going “believers” can sometimes be the hardest clients. I now realize why my counselor had to trudge through some deep religious and incorrect conclusions that I had attached myself to by way of some well-meaning person teaching on a doctrine but not understanding that Jesus came to alleviate us from being chained to the doctrinal mindset. It was only at the end of my attachment to what I thought God wanted from me or expected out of my life, was I able to see clearly that His greatest expectation was for me to come to Him with everything that pained me and to simply lay it all at His feet. That seemed too simple to me at first. I was hell bent on doing penance for my sins and then torturing myself with feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing. I could only accept love the hard way, well-earned and paid for by shame and grief. I couldn't lift my head in the presence of God and call myself daughter. It was just too much to fathom that He truly wanted me. I grieved on the inside for most of my life until the day I could not breathe in my own poisonous venom anymore. I had to start listening to my counselor. She was taking the time to painstakingly dissect my issues and pray over them one by one, something I was too weak to do at the time. I had to trust her words and trust that God would silence anything that wasn't of Him. Most of my counselors have been Christians. I’m not biased but I do find the common ground quite helpful.

After I left counseling, I entered into a rest with God that is still present to this day. He changed my entire perspective of my walk with Him. He took away my desire to please people. He gave me a beautiful wilderness experience in which I could roam freely, feel openly and cry often. He never left me in the wilderness alone, for that I’m grateful.

I emerged back into the “world” with a sense of knowing that beyond a shadow of a doubt, I am a child divinely loved by God. Nothing can take that from me and much has tried.

Recently, I began to doubt my ability to translate such understanding to those that I counsel because it seems that so many of us “Christians” love to learn the hard way. We struggle to accept Abba’s gentle hand when He wants to escort us to higher ground and often, we bite the messenger who feels compelled to share his grace.

I've come to the conclusion that it is true that not all will enter into God’s rest. I also understand that my role in the process of helping other’s become whole will often be challenged by the enemy’s schemes to keep them bound. I accept the fact that some will say that my message is too strong or my delivery too intense. To that I say: You must know your calling and the one that called you.  I’m here for people who are at the edge of life’s cliff, who desperately want to jump and have one foot dangling, as the small rocks of life begin to fall to the ground below… because I've been there. I will grab your hand in prayer and the grip will be of one who does not want to witness your death but to celebrate your living. We will talk, cry, laugh and poke fun at ourselves, until the pain is gone. Eventually, because there is a God in heaven, the pain does leave. That is my role as a counselor/survivor of the desire to die too soon.

I am not passive. I cannot pretend not to see the obvious and it hard for me to leave a person on the cliff once they've called for help.

Understand that once you've sought out counseling, someone (other than yourself) has become invested in you. Someone is praying for you. Someone is carrying you in their heart. Please take the process seriously. Please don’t duck in and out of sessions with a casual mindset or treat the counseling room like an E.R. Please come ready to invest in your own life and to let the truth be the only thing that you speak. There is nothing worse than counseling a lying spirit afraid to face the truth.

If you are seeking help for any reason, ask yourself this question: How far will I go, how much am I willing to do, to become whole, united in mind and connected in spirit? Once you answer that question honestly then you will know whether or not to begin with a counselor.

An invested counselor, life coach or mentor’s deepest desire should be to help the people that we used to be because we know without question, that wholeness is possible for all those who truly want it.

How to hit rock bottom and live to tell about the climb up...

I had breakfast with a friend today and it was great to see her, yet sad at the same time. The great part was that this woman is high spirited, vivacious and extremely intelligent. She’s a thinker, so chances are I can pick a topic and her mind has already been there and colored in every element of thought that I am about to share. She’s beautiful and sensitive and caring and did I mention how smart she is? Well, she is…

The sad part was that there is only one small fraction of her that can even fathom how awesome she is. Like most of us, she has been berated with lies from the enemy of her soul and somehow, those lies have intermingled with her own voice, which is even more confusing. However, her audible confession today springs hope in my heart: “I refuse to give up!”

Because my dear friend is a fighter, which is highly required to make it these days, I have a strong belief that she will begin to heal and strengthen very soon.

In this life, when we are surrounded with lies from our earliest memories until our current age, it’s almost impossible to believe that we can be motivated, productive members of society and leave an indelible mark on this world. But as long as there is an almost in front of impossible, then it is highly possible.

In the spirit of my determined friend, I would like to offer some suggestions that may help, while fighting for your life…in any capacity.

1        Don’t pretend like everything is okay. Being fake has never healed anyone. In just about every passage  in the New Testament that had to do with miraculous healing and deliverance, someone was yelling: “HELP!” and Jesus heard them. He will hear you too.

2       No more “woe is me”. It’s not that people don’t care to hear your woes, it’s just that most folks know that those woes lead to nowhere. Without a plan or direction, you’re bound to be in the same situation this time next year. Ask God for a plan.

3       Let’s not dwell on who doesn’t love us. When we do that, we are almost always blinded to the fact that someone out there does. And that someone is God. God’s love gets second billing when we dwell on those who don’t care for us.

4      Try to allow some positive eek of a confession to begin to come out of your mouth daily. Something as simple as “I am loved by an amazing God” can really change your perspective on life.

5       Don’t look for company in your misery, look for inspiration and guidance from someone who has gone before you and made it through. LISTEN and don’t try to contradict them with a bigger woe story. Remember, they made it out and are trying to help you through it. You wouldn't stomp on a fireman’s hand when he was reaching through a smoke filled window to save you would you? Imagine: “But Mister Fireman, you just don’t know how hard it is for me to leave this burning room…YOUR HOUSE ISN'T BURNING LIKE MINE IS!!!” That just doesn't make sense does it? Okay then.

6       Unforgiveness brings torment. This.I.know.for.sure. If you have to start by writing it on a sticky note   until you can begin speaking it aloud…forgive those who have hurt you deeply. It’s truly the only way   out.

7         God’s waiting for a heart to heart conversation with us every day. This is the hardest thing to get  Christians to understand because so many of us talk to Him for 2 minutes and expect to get 12 hours  worth of grace to carry us through the day. And then we don’t understand why we’re defeated by  lunch. God’s not looking for busy bees. He’s looking for planted flowers to rain on and make more  beautiful.

8         Pick a side and stick with it. Either we believe God or we don’t. We cannot agree with the voice of  heaven and the voice of darkness at the same time. The enemy always lies.

9          Don’t diagnose yourself and then waive it like a banner: “I’m OCD, PSYCHOTIC AND NEUROTIC,  that’s why I’m not able to get my stuff together!!!” Even if you are actually diagnosed with a  disorder, it DOES NOT have to define you! Try singing: “I am a neurotic, psychotic friend of God…”  Go ahead I dare you to sing it at church. That would go over like a lead balloon, just like it does with  God.

1        Never limit the healing power and deliverance from such a big God to 10 simple steps. These are just   mere suggestions and things that I've learned along the way. God has infinite ways of bringing his     children to safety. Be open to all of them…

I Found Me...

Feet dangling

Playing in the streams of life

Giggling like a school girl at a never ending slumber party

Dancing to music piped in from Freedom’s Broadcasting Network

And feeling lovely about me

After a lifetime of being trained

How to be the perfect women

How to pretend

How to submit

How to look the other way

How to hold it together

While feeling like the crazy part of the glue

 Watching all of my dreams go floating out the door

I.found.me

I was crumpled up and tossed behind

Life’s wastebasket

A half written to do list

An unfinished poem

A check mark next to a mundane chore

A note asking for more

There I was

You picked me up and smoothed

My crinkled life

And began deciphering the cryptic messages of my heart

You Abba explained my own pain to me

In ways I could have never understood

You taught me how my mind worked

And insisted that despite the many

Blows that I suffered to my emotional cortex

I still functioned well

You said I was whole

Long before I understood what wholeness was

And when the pipe burst in my heart

And I could no longer contain my emotions

You held me

And all of my liquid pain

At night you sang a lullaby to my spirit

That spoke directly to each day of my life

From birth till now

You remembered what I had forgotten

Or refused to acknowledge

You showed me that pain ignored

Will devour your soul

And become the monster inside of you

That you see in others

You Daddy G

Gave me my first nickname of honor

You called me “Princess”

And laced me with your love

You took me back home

To the foreign land from which I hail

A place called “Innocence”

You said that I was still

A native and would forever be so in Your eyes

We sat on the side of a mountain

And skipped wishes across the lake

As the sun set in sapphire hues

You gave me a stern directive

With more love than I could gather in a lifetime

“Live and Be Free!”

And showed me my reflection in the mirror

Of your Glory

For the first time in my life

I saw radiance

And it was coming from under my skin

Beauty rested in my eyes

And honor (which comes from being your very own)

Adorned my quaff

Like a diamond studded crown

You lifted me

High into the heavens

And baptized me

In eternity

Then placed me gently back in my today

With a new heart

And a restored mind

Nothing missing

Nothing broken

Forever gifts

From

Adoni…

BFP (c)

Christians, who is this Angry God you worship?

Is the God that Christians talk about as angry and blood thirsty as they are?

I've been analyzing the anger ratio of some Christians versus “worldly” people over the last few years and I can honestly say that I really can’t tell the difference between the two. Oh wait, some Christians do justify their anger over whatever the political, social, economic situation is with scripture and tagging “EVERYBODY PRAY!” at the end of their inflammatory statements….that’s the difference. The world just says “I’m mad as hell and I can’t take it anymore” rash but honest. I can deal with honest without a false religious agenda.

Are Christians supposed to get angry? My answer is of course, it’s only normal to react to the social ills that plague our society. The bible that many seem to quote to their own advantage these days says yes, but do not sin and don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.¹ 

The real question is what is that anger supposed to look like? Is it supposed to come out in the form of obnoxious statements and behaviors that have no sound thought or decent judgment with them? Is it supposed to resort to calling all of their personal enemies God’s enemies, while rubbing both hands together and drooling at the mouth for the blood of those they disagree with? Umm, I doubt it, but maybe I missed the scripture that said: “vengeance is mine says the Lord, I will repay and then we will rejoice when I smite all the people that the church disagrees with and we will dance on their graves.” I could have missed that one for sure.

The saddest part about this hate fest disguised as doomsday prophecy is that it all goes against God’s will and it does nothing for the world we live in. We are supposed to be light, illuminating God’s love and sharing the message of peace in a hopeless world. Instead, I hear nothing but how the world is going to hell in a hand basket and apparently God is running around in heaven without a plan!

The problem with rage of any kind is that it fuels uncontrollable fires that never seem to burn out. It stops all manner of logical thinking and it NEVER initiates peace. I’m starting to believe that you can gauge the faith that a person has in God, by their reaction to the world today. I vaguely remember reading somewhere that “In this world you will have trouble but fear not, I have overcome the world.”² I chose to believe it.

Maybe for me it’s just this simple: I came into the world with nothing. Everything that I have comes from and by the grace of God. I own nothing that He hasn't allowed me to have. I stand ready to surrender whatever gets in my way of Him and at the end of the day, I want to stand in front of Him knowing for sure that the people who heard my voice, read my thoughts and saw my life, saw the grace of God in action.

Yes, I get angry but mostly I get distressed at how the “church” doesn't seem to be able to get its act together when the rest of the world is running in chaos. It saddens me to be a part of something that is becoming nothing but a spectacle for rational people to criticize. I struggle with the title “Christian” not because of a lack of my relationship with God but because it just seems to represent enraged people without any answers to today’s questions. What if God suddenly commanded us to stop using the title Christian and start referring to ourselves as Peace Makers? I wonder how many converts we would have with that movement.

¹Ephesians 4:26

²John 16:33