Recently I watched a program called Iyanla Fix My Life. I wasn't nuts about the title because it seemed a bit presumptuous, but the concept intrigued me. In short it is a show with a relationship specialist Iyanla Vansant, who works at helping people to resolve issues that have torn them apart. On this particular night, Iyanla was helping six women restore their friendships after having a devastating falling out over a project that they were working on called “Six Brown Chics” a blogging site consisting of each women’s area of expertise. The project was designed to help women in different areas of their lives…relationships, finance etc…
What unfolded during this episode struck me from many different angles and caused me to look at the failures of many of my female relationships. Each woman came with her own issues, insecurity, control, not being able to trust and blatant insensitivity. The accusations that were hurled back and forth consisted of, hurt, abandonment, lies, mistrust and so on. It seemed that Ms. Vansant had her work cut out for her. It seemed that these women’s issues brought out the very worst in them and the disrespect was surprising at times.
In the end, after many shed tears, confessions and forgiveness, the women made great progress and healing was taking place. There was much call for introspection and less for projection. In other words the dialogue had to change from “you did this to me” to “I own my part in this.” It was a very mature approach with very effective results.
I wonder what would happen if we women would start owning our own stuff when it came to mending relationships with each other, instead of finding an excuse for our bad or insensitive behavior. I wonder if we would make great strides and be able to work together in the community, the church or wherever we are called, if we took the time to work on our own trouble spots before pointing out our sister’s.
There is so much that we can accomplish if we put our minds and hearts together and decide to rise above the childish notions that cause us to fall out in the first place. I wonder what my life would be like if I were part of a strong team of women who decided that no matter what, we would stand together and accept each other for who we are. That we would not judge, gossip, or criticize one another for the cause of the greater good…the unity of sisterhood.
Wouldn't it be worth it so that we can leave our daughters a legacy of healthy female relationships? From that many more things would be accomplished and a deep healing could occur in those of us who often choose to stand alone because we are tired of the disappointments that come from being in the midst of our sisters.
The bottom line is, whatever I leave unresolved is the very thing that I will project on my sister. However, the very thing that I choose healing for, may be the very thing that heals my sister...