For the past six months to a year, I have had the privilege
and sometimes the trying exercise of coaching some friends and dear people at
various stages of their lives to overcome lifelong challenges. Some have gone
through tremendous pain in their past, others are still walking out the gruesome
details of abandonment, rejection and abuse to this day. Whatever the case, so
far, I have not sat with a single individual with whom I couldn't relate to in
some way or another. I believe that just like joy, pain is universal and it
transcends age, race, geography and religious beliefs. We all suffer in one way
or another, therefore there is a tremendous need for compassion and understanding.
I have experienced huge breakthroughs with individuals, the
ones that stick to the process, refuse to lie about what is in their hearts and
understand my role in helping them cross this frightening bridge, to get to the
other side. I have watched a sobbing, petrified face totally relax at eased in
the presence of God when prayed for. I've seen the question: “why?” sweetly
answered in a way that only God can answer it. And I have seen change, that
beautiful goal that seems unattainable in the midst of our sadness. I believe
in counseling, I know it works but I could not do it on my own.
Christians, devout, praying, church going “believers” can sometimes
be the hardest clients. I now realize why my counselor had to trudge through
some deep religious and incorrect conclusions that I had attached myself to by
way of some well-meaning person teaching on a doctrine but not understanding
that Jesus came to alleviate us from being chained to the doctrinal mindset. It
was only at the end of my attachment to what I thought God wanted from me or
expected out of my life, was I able to see clearly that His greatest
expectation was for me to come to Him with everything that pained me and to
simply lay it all at His feet. That seemed too simple to me at first. I was
hell bent on doing penance for my sins and then torturing myself with feelings
of inadequacy and self-loathing. I could only accept love the hard way, well-earned
and paid for by shame and grief. I couldn't lift my head in the presence of God
and call myself daughter. It was just too much to fathom that He truly wanted
me. I grieved on the inside for most of my life until the day I could not
breathe in my own poisonous venom anymore. I had to start listening to my counselor.
She was taking the time to painstakingly dissect my issues and pray over them
one by one, something I was too weak to do at the time. I had to trust her
words and trust that God would silence anything that wasn't of Him. Most of my
counselors have been Christians. I’m not biased but I do find the common ground
quite helpful.
After I left counseling, I entered into a rest with God that
is still present to this day. He changed my entire perspective of my walk with
Him. He took away my desire to please people. He gave me a beautiful wilderness
experience in which I could roam freely, feel openly and cry often. He never
left me in the wilderness alone, for that I’m grateful.
I emerged back into the “world” with a sense of knowing that
beyond a shadow of a doubt, I am a child divinely loved by God. Nothing can
take that from me and much has tried.
Recently, I began to doubt my ability to translate such
understanding to those that I counsel because it seems that so many of us “Christians”
love to learn the hard way. We struggle to accept Abba’s gentle hand when He
wants to escort us to higher ground and often, we bite the messenger who feels
compelled to share his grace.
I've come to the conclusion that it is true that not all
will enter into God’s rest. I also understand that my role in the process of
helping other’s become whole will often be challenged by the enemy’s schemes to
keep them bound. I accept the fact that some will say that my message is too
strong or my delivery too intense. To that I say: You must know your calling and
the one that called you. I’m here for
people who are at the edge of life’s cliff, who desperately want to jump and
have one foot dangling, as the small rocks of life begin to fall to the ground
below… because I've been there. I will grab your hand in prayer and the grip
will be of one who does not want to witness your death but to celebrate your
living. We will talk, cry, laugh and poke fun at ourselves, until the pain is
gone. Eventually, because there is a God in heaven, the pain does leave. That
is my role as a counselor/survivor of the desire to die too soon.
I am not passive. I cannot pretend not to see the obvious
and it hard for me to leave a person on the cliff once they've called for help.
Understand that once you've sought out counseling, someone
(other than yourself) has become invested in you. Someone is praying for you.
Someone is carrying you in their heart. Please take the process seriously.
Please don’t duck in and out of sessions with a casual mindset or treat the
counseling room like an E.R. Please come ready to invest in your own life and
to let the truth be the only thing that you speak. There is nothing worse than
counseling a lying spirit afraid to face the truth.
If you are seeking help for any reason, ask yourself this
question: How far will I go, how much am I willing to do, to become whole,
united in mind and connected in spirit? Once you answer that question honestly
then you will know whether or not to begin with a counselor.
An invested counselor, life coach or mentor’s deepest desire
should be to help the people that we used to be because we know without
question, that wholeness is possible for all those who truly want it.
