Tuesday, October 18, 2011

A Wonderful "Aloneness"

I just completed the third run of my one woman show “from the thorn of rejection...To the Rose of Restoration” last Friday night and I must say this is a subject that just keeps speaking to me...

I am truly in awe of how God will allow us to go through the very thing that He will use us to minister on. I'm in awe because many of us parents try desperately to protect our children from trials because we are petrified that they may damage them beyond repair...but not God. Our All Wise Father knows exactly what we need to bring us to a life changing place of understanding. He knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that the very thorn that prods our flesh on a daily basis, serves as a catalyst for change in our lives that produce the Rose within. God's infinite wisdom, love and immense nurturing are the very things that walk us through unimaginable pain and suffering. Rejection mars the soul like no other experience and when it goes untreated it multiplies itself in a variety of behaviors that can span a lifetime. Moses was rejected, Paul rejected Christians and then faced rejection as a Christian. Stephen faced rejection unto death following the One who was rejected on behalf of all of us, Christ. Stephen and Christ's response...”forgive them Lord, for they know not what they do...” I have forced that statement out of my lips on more than one occasion hoping that the heart behind the sentiment would soon follow. “Forgive them Lord...but I am still in pain...”is what has often followed. As understanding as He is, the second prayer is just as acceptable to God. Because of the depth of research that it has taken for me to get to the core of this subject, it has been necessary for me to walk with God in a whole new way. It is not a popular way but it is a necessary way for me to understand what dying to self truly means. I love the solitude that allows me to hear my Fathers heartbeat in exchange for all of my woes. I love the days when His only request is to sing to Him from my heart, while He responds with tangible peace. It is ironic and brilliant that in order for me to be delivered from the pains of rejection, He would hide me away in His secret place and keep me to Himself. I trust I am not “alone” in this wonderful alone-ness... Am I, friend?  

The search

begins from a hollow place

a missing moment

a broken promise

a separation

anxiety sets in

I must belong to someone

why did they give me up?

Why was it so easy not to want me?

The disconnect is overwhelming

the hollow place

expands in my heart

profuse beating echoes

to the four empty chambers

who or what will fill it?

I must belong to someone

Don't I?

Rejection mars my soul...

God am I yours?

“The Hollow Heart” Bonita Jones Knott © 

Reviews from "Rose of Restoration..."


I very much enjoyed your performance Friday night.  It was filled with a rainbow of emotions it made the evening a truly powerful experience.  I was particularly taken with your last piece and loved that you used Satie's  Gymnopédie to complement it - the perfect choice since Satie's music creates an ethereal atmosphere.

                                                    Mark Havlik - Author

                                             enjoyed your reading immensely...
Don Cook - Playwright

It was awesome Bonita...truly blessed.
Onward and upward!
Brian Daye - Actor - Director - Playwright

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