Does The Holy Spirit Come to Church Anymore?...

I've been on a silent search for a few months now, to find the Holy Spirit outside of my home and inside of a church. You would think that this would not be a hard task but believe me… it’s been somewhat of a challenge.

Not that I haven’t experienced Him in a church service lately, I have but it’s been short lived. He usually shows up in a song or a person’s prayer or by chance in another member who speaks to me from the heart.  I’m starting to believe that He is partially welcomed because there is so much on the agenda and we can’t have Him messing the order of service up and prolonging things that need to be kept short and tidy.

Some people think that the Holy Spirit is a havoc wreaker causing people to jump and shout uncontrollably for hours and that He is egged on by the person on the keyboard, piano or organ…I've seen that recently as well.  I don’t personally think that the Holy Spirit is unruly and needs music cues as much as He does a simple welcome.

I think that I need to make peace with the fact that church is partially spiritual but mostly informational by way of a motivation or spiritual dissertation. If I can settle that in my heart then I won’t be so disappointed when I go to church anymore.

With that being said, I had the unique experience of visiting a good friend’s church a few weeks ago that may be among the remnant that welcomes the Holy Spirit to come, stay and abide. It will not be because of what they plan for the service, as much as whom they welcome into the building. Being welcomed anytime you come is major.  Being treated the same by the members whether you come once a month, twice a year or every single Sunday is huge. Why? Because there is a feeling that one gets when he or she leaves a church to branch out on their own and actually seek God in other ways, when they see their former church “family” on the outside.

The feeling is like being the black sheep of the family or running away from home or in my case needing a divorce and knowing that my choice would be sorely disapproved by the powers that be and the truly religious.

I grew up in a cult (I mentioned that in a former blog) and I know what It’s like to leave a cult and have to start a new life…you are virtually disowned and it’s a tough road ahead. What churches don’t understand is that they are not so different from cults at times in the way that everyone is on the inside and once you leave, you are an outsider. People don’t know what to say to you, if they say anything at all. It feels the same, it really does.

When I visited my friend Ken’s church, I came in and got the feel of the building. I sat in the third pew from the front on the left side and waited, for what, I’m not sure. As I waited, I browsed through the church bulletin for the usual announcements and committee meetings but when I got to the Welcome I was overcome with emotions.  I can’t quite describe how I felt but one thing is for sure, I know that I felt welcomed. It was as if someone sat and prayed for hours thinking about the lives of everyone around them, including their own and wrote these words. I was told that the church came across this welcome on the internet and decided that it fit Mulberry perfectly.

If you are a stark traditionalist than the following words will mess with your theology in a way that will force you to disapprove but since I don’t prefer to cling to theology but only to Christ, I truly understand why this welcome was put in their bulletin.  Here it is:

WELCOME TO MULBERRY

We extend a special welcome to those who are single, married, divorced, gay, filthy rich, dirt poor, yo no hablo ingles. We extend a special welcome to those who are crying newborns, skinny as a rail or could afford to lose a few pounds. We welcome you if you can sing like Andrea Bocelli or can’t carry a note in a bucket. You’re welcome here if you’re “just browsin,” just woke up or just got out of jail. We don’t care if you’re more Catholic than the Pope, or haven’t been in church since little Joey’s Baptism. We extend a special welcome to those who are over 60 but not grown up yet, and to teenagers who are growing up too fast.

We welcome soccer moms, NASCAR dads, starving artists, tree huggers, latte sippers, vegetarians, junk food eaters. We welcome those who are in recovery or still addicted. We welcome you if you’re having problems or you’re down in the dumps or if you don’t like “organized religion” because many of us have been there too. If you blew all your offering money last night at the club, you’re welcome here. We offer a special welcome to those who think the earth is flat, work too hard, don’t work, can’t spell or because grandma is in town and wanted to go to church. We welcome those who are inked, pierced or both. We offer a special welcome to those who could use a prayer right now, had religion shoved down your throat as a kid or got lost in traffic and wound up here by mistake. We welcome tourists, seekers and doubters, bleeding hearts…and you! 

EVERYONE ACCEPTED, UNCONDITIONALLY!

After reading this welcome, I relaxed because I realized that if any or all of those people were sitting around me waiting to worship on a Sunday morning, then Jesus had to show up because those were the people that He preached to when He traveled on the roadside, the seashore and in the streets.  That’s when I said quietly “welcome Holy Spirit” and He showed up.

I would like to thank Ken Fuquay for allowing me to use this welcome in my blog. Your friendship is becoming more and more priceless to me every day and I thoroughly enjoyed your message, singing and directing of the choir. I’ll see you again some Sunday morning my friend…

You know you're living the good life when...

How do you know whether you’re living a good life? Do you compare it to your neighbors, family or friends? Is it in direct proportion to your bank account or children’s success?

Travel and plenty of it! That has to be a sign of the good life. At least that would be my definition. Oh, and good food, exotic food that you only get when you travel. Yes! That’s definitely what I call living well…

Oh but wait, what if I experience something more grand than travel and good food? Would my perspective change then? Would the grander thing become my new utopia? I could see that happening. 

I could change my viewpoint, only to check social media and find out that one of my 242 friends has achieved her lifelong goal of becoming a professional performer. Darn!! Just when I thought I was living my best life possible!!! Now I have to go back to the drawing board…or do I?

Why is it hard for us to understand that we are all called to different paths in life? Why must we constantly compare our lives to others in such a way that causes us to either become envious or inflate our own existence by exaggerated degrees? 

With current technology and our ability to share our day to day lives at the click of a button, it is incredibly easy to become discontent with one’s own mere existence. How did we get here? 

I mean, I love posting pics of me and my kids at the beach or having some fun event in our lives…but they could personally care less if I hit the “share” button right after snapping the picture. In fact, sometimes they complain and roll their eyes.

I’m trying to practice being in the moment a bit more than I am now. I listen when my kids say “this pic is not for facebook Mom!” So I just keep it to myself and look at it from time to time, simply to enjoy the sweet memory for what it is.  Ah, the good life, a beautiful moment with my family.

Of course, they still indulge me for the big events and for that I’m grateful. I have family and friends that I can stay connected with and watch the growth of their children in a very convenient way…it’s not all bad, in balance right?

The only problem is when we stop applauding each other’s accomplishments and big events and start trying to match them. That’s when it gets a bit weird. “Wait till they see this pic of me at the top of Everest! Everyone will just flip!!” 

Admit it, you've been there, not Everest but on the same pic posting head trip, I’ll admit that I have. I think we all long to feel applauded and special and seen. I posted a picture of my new haircut three days ago and got over 20 likes. After a while, I didn't know whether to feel special or embarrassed, especially since I changed it this morning back to its naturally curly state. Should I re-post a new pic? Would that be vain?

On second thought, I think I’ll just enjoy it and keep it to myself.

Being able to know when to hold’em or when to share’em while being determined to enjoy all of those beautiful, fun, fantastical moments just the same…now that’s the good life!

The Awesome Legacy of Enoch...

For the last few years I have become slightly obsessed with my own personal legacy with questions such as:  What will I leave behind when I leave this world? What will my name mean? What will my children say was the single greatest thing that I passed on to them? What will my future generation thank me for…or not? And on and on…

Because of the fragility of life and its sometimes abrupt ending, it has become important to me that I choose to live on purpose. While I do welcome spontaneity and adventure (still a choice, mind you) I do not care for haphazard living at all at this age. Simply letting the chips fall where they may, in relationships, business or raising my children is not an option. There is too much at stake for me and those I leave behind not to give careful consideration as to how I live my life while I can.

I can’t claim that this has always been at the forefront of my thinking. I will admit to being rather careless as a younger woman, lacking the ability to see ahead and access what my decisions may cost me at some point. (I don’t believe that I’m alone in that retrospective tour.) But today, ah sweet redemptive today, I am fully alive with the “what if’s” of my next steps in this chapter of my journey and it excites me!

I believe that once God gets a glimpse of the fact that we want to change our world in some small or grand way, He steps in and provides us with the drive and desire to accomplish such a worthwhile feat. People appear in our lives to help us or add to the vision. Dreams expand and become more vivid. Details, details, details fall into place when we least expect it and before we know it, it’s happening. The thing that we have desired to become or be a part of begins to flow out of us.

It doesn’t matter what the vision is. At one point, all I wanted was the ability to raise my children with compassion, love and understanding. I wanted to leave behind some ineffective behaviors that were part of my own rearing. Later, I expanded my dream to releasing free thinkers and innovators into the world. I wanted my kids to see life through a non-traditional lens in order to make their own marks.

As of now, my vision is to demonstrate what it means to take chances, in order to speak in my own creative voice to the world and to make statements that can heal and unify humanity, instead of dividing it. 

Visions expand and so they should.

Whatever happens for and to me in this chapter will come as a result of a concerted effort on my part to be as considerate as possible to the people that will be affected by my choices and the unknown blessings of God which will raise me to a new level of experiencing life.

My greatest hope is that my future generation and the people that are in my span of influence will remember me with these three words if nothing else, she – walked with God…

Enoch walked with God and he was not, for God took him.  Genesis 5:24

Boys are gross and girls have cooties…

Can men and women ever really just be friends? If you would have asked me this question a  year ago, heck, a few months ago, I would have said “no” given the fact that the laws of physical attraction usually draw people together based on mutual chemistry. I would have said no because throughout my lifetime, I have never seemed to be able to achieve a certain emotional distance from the opposite sex that would allow me to keep a balanced perspective on the friendship. Finally, I would have said no because it has been surveyed and confirmed that most guys hang around girls that they are attracted to and are in pursuit of in one way or another. That last statement was based on a college survey I should mention.

What I realize now, is that  for me,the idea of a platonic relationship is based entirely on maturity. The older I get, the more in tuned with my own needs I become and with that has come the ability to categorize my wants. What I mean is: If I want to have coffee with a male friend simply to talk and catch up on life, I can do that because the want in this instance is face time with a friend. If I were to ask the same male friend out for dinner or a movie and I stayed in constant contact with him, then the want in this instance would be companionship. 

Because I am not in search of companionship but I do love good conversation and to reconnect with my busy friends, I am free to enjoy more platonic relationships at this stage in my life. I should note that the relationships are mutually platonic. I try to stay connected to people who are busy, productive and focused on their own goals. In other words, they are not looking for someone to complete them because they don’t feel incomplete.

I've also found that we women are sometimes in search mode and we don’t always address why that is, so that we can understand what we are really looking for. Sometimes we can apply the same answer to every need in our lives. For instance: I’m lonely. I need a boyfriend to take me places. I’m sad. I need a man to comfort me. I’m tired. I need a man to take some of this load off of me. I’m scared. I need a man to make me feel safe.

What happens if said “Man” doesn't show up for weeks, months or years from now? Do you trudge through life without ever experiencing relief until then? And when he shows up, does he know that he has a pre-written ‘honey-do’ list? That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone that you haven’t met yet. No wonder we can’t just have coffee and chat, we've been in interview mode from day 1! 

The only answer to that particular train of thought is if there is a man out there somewhere who is praying for a woman that he can rescue...could happen but let's not put all of our eggs in that basket, okay? 

The purpose of spending quality time with my male friends is not to interview them as potential prospects but to relax from that pursuit and just enjoy hearing a male perspective on life. I learn a lot from men, particularly if they are wise and mature. Sometimes the student can miss the lesson if all they are doing is making goo-goo eyes at the teacher.

Eventually, I imagine I will want more, but not before I can feel comfortable and complete in my own skin without needing someone to make me feel whole. In the meantime, I like my guy friends and I hope to learn a lot more from them…even though we all began with thinking that boys are gross and girls have cooties…

Simply Amazing FINAL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjsI_veswTs

SERENITY NOW!!!

Guys, I admit it, I have lost my desire to be in combative communication with anyone. As much as I like a good debate, with reasonable informed parties, the polar opposite for me, is a tense conversation that leads absolutely nowhere.

Whenever I’m listening to a hostile voice, I want to yell "SERENITY NOW" and walk away.  This has not always been my way. For years, I would stand you down and argue until the sun sets, if I thought it was necessary but now, all I want is peace. I've learned more in my silence than I ever have in my speaking and that my friend, has been one costly lesson.

 I finally figured out that a willing heart and open ears are a rare combination and I simply do not wish to engage with the opposite.

If I walk away from a conversation with an elevated heart rate and a banging headache, chances are, I engaged in some dialogue that will never get my attention again.

Trust me, if you find the veins popping out of your neck after a conversation one too many times, you may either be the carrier of far more rage than you realize or you have been exposed to someone else’s unhealthy behavior. Either way, it’s necessary to uncover the source and pray for guidance as to how to access the peace that you need to function well.

We humans have an incredible tendency to claw at the hand of reason, if we feel that we have every right to be unreasonable. We get angry when someone suggests viewing life from another vantage point because it implies that our perception may be just a bit askew.  We hold on to every single solitary offense and guard it as if it were a gold mine. Why? Because it fuels the always running engine of our unhealthy anger and without the ability to go from 0-120 in 6 seconds, we feel weak and vulnerable to those around us.

I was the scrawniest kid you could imagine, I vaguely remember someone referring to me as 6:00, (straight up and down.)  I used my anger constantly in order to feel stronger and to be heard. Most of the time my feelings were hurt but instead of saying so (because my environment did not lend to sensitivity) I roared my little lion roar in hopes of warding off my predators. I was deemed “the bad one” because of my inability to fly under the radar and respond subtly to anyone that  I felt threatened by.

When I got older…years older, I began to study my own patterns of behavior. I paid attention to when I felt most weak and vulnerable. I found that my anger was the trigger of not feeling heard or simply being belittled. I learned (not without much effort) how to communicate effectively without the use of venomous tones and words. Most importantly, I had to let go of many of the memories that did nothing but keep my anger engine in idle. I am still deleting much data from my past. 

I believe that communication has been my saving grace, unless I am engaged with someone who does not feel the practice of talking things through is useful. Whenever that’s the case, I retreat, because I know what I am capable of saying and doing out of self-defense.

Not everyone is striving to become a reflective being, one who thinks his/her actions through in order to grow. Not everyone will do the work of self-improvement…it is A LOT of work. So if you find yourself on the other end of fury and you are looking for a way to calm anger's flames, take a deep breath and pray for God’s help to smother that fire the quickest way possible. It’s not always easy but you stand a lot less chance of getting burned.

If that approach doesn't work, simply yell: “SERENITY NOW” and run!!!


Here's a little something for my Seinfeld fans:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqm4LG8_3vE

Done trying to be "MOMNIPRESENT"...

Are you tired to the point of emotional exhaustion? Has your body been giving you stress fits filled with ailments? I definitely know the feeling. What I gather from my current state of exhaustion is that I’ve somehow pushed myself too far while handling my daily responsibilities and expectations. When my kids get busy, I AM busier, trying to make sure that their events and schedules go off without a hitch. I become ‘Robo Mom’ wanting to fill every need, gap and possible want. Just this past week, my daughter performed in a musical at school, opening night was on a Friday, and Prom was the very next day. I decided that she was going to have the time of her life at both if it killed me. She did and I’m still standing but badly in need of a respite.

Each child has their highlighted time in my house and this is my only daughter’s time. When her older brother was finishing high school, the focus was on his activities and events. She patiently waited her turn or she may not have even expected a turn and now here it is. Plays, proms, community choir, college tours, SAT’s and the like.

I however, must keep one thing in perspective during this time. I AM NOT OMNIPRESENT. I simply cannot promise perfection to my children, it sets us all up for failure.

What I can do, is help them organize, strategize and prioritize their schedules so that they can be successful in navigating ‘the busy’.   I’m learning how to shift out of ‘do it all mode’ and into being their support. I welcome wise guidance in this area.

Now, what about that spent feeling that we’re all experiencing lately, how do we remedy that? Well, I’ve been thinking, there’s been a lot of bad news played out before us on TV, as well as the internet recently.  Right after we're done watching hours of coverage about tragedy, we follow up online, then we post updates, photos and commentary on fb, twitter and google. The very next day or hour we jump right back into our daily lives without so much as taking a breath.  If we keep this up, we’re all bound to need straitjackets and padded rooms.

Everyone needs a respite, a quiet time or a breather.  A long walk, exercise, a bubble bath, whatever momentary escape you choose.  When this sacred time is neglected it shows.

 I myself am currently suffering from the lack of fictional escape. What I am presently reading is somewhat apocalyptic and it keeps me thinking, which is the last thing I need to do when I’m weary. So today, I plan to go to the library and find some beautiful fiction that will take me on a faraway journey where there are no explosions or catastrophic events. I have no idea what it will be but that’s half the fun.

I will also to remember to light my aromatherapy candle and sit still for as long as possible and talk with God. Somewhere in there comes a nap and a healthy meal. I must, WE must remember that we are limited beings that cannot live out of balance and choose extreme busyness over our own well-being.

You may be facing something more intense than a busy teenager’s schedule and it may be costing you in sleepless nights and worry. I would not dare minimize your situation with light hearted suggestions that will not ease your load. I would however, encourage you to never forget the One who eases all pain and bears our burdens. May I pray for you now?

May the God of all peace guard your heart and mind as He leads you through the door of rest and hope in Him…Amen