I was just finishing up my first class and I was actually
feeling quite excited about my morning so far, when I went to the hallway and
saw a little boy standing outside the classroom that I was about to enter. He
was obviously being punished and very angry about whatever he did. I walked
passed him thinking “I wonder how long you can keep a child in the hallway?” I
was also a little relieved that I didn't have to start class number two with a
possible heckler in my midst. With this dichotomy playing in my head, I started
in on my second group of kids for the day. We were just about to go for some
fun rhymes and rapping when the door opened and in entered Anthony, our friend
in the hallway.
The teacher opened the door and without explanation or
introduction let him in the room while he was seething with anger. She did not
come in with him. I was on my own to handle the situation. Anthony sat down in
the back of the class far away from everyone and began to rip up a piece of
construction paper with a vengeance, as if it were someone’s head he was
tearing off. He had big crocodile tears in his eyes, yet he was visibly
enraged.
Without much thought, I walked directly back to his seat and
knelt down beside him. It was as if I was being pulled in his direction. He was
still growling with anger and ripping the paper as tears hung on the end of his
big eyes. I immediately felt that this was too much rage for such a small
child. I spoke, not from a premeditated speech for ill-tempered children but
with a pain in my heart for Anthony.
This is what I said to him:
“Hey, can you hear me?” (Rip, rip, rip, grunt) “Shake your
head if you can hear my voice.” Small nod of the head. “I want you to take a
deep breath and let some air into your body.” One deep breath. “Good, take another
one to help you calm down.” He breathed again and very deeply. “Good, keep
breathing until you feel better.” He did. “Now what I want you to know is that
you haven’t done anything wrong with me. So if you want to, you can start again
in my class and have some fun. I’m not angry with you, so we can just start
fresh…okay?” Small nod. “What’s your name?” “Anthony” “Oh, cool, I know some
really nice Anthonys. Now when you’re ready, you can join the class, okay?”
Bigger nod no more ripping. It was later
that Anthony would collect all the crayons for me and bring them to me after
class with pride.
In all my years of hearing messages of redemption and
forgiveness, I've never really been able to quite grasp the concept the way God
has wanted me to. I've always struggled with not being forgiven by others and
myself. I simply did not believe that people had the capacity to move pass
major errors and truly forgive and by people, I mean me. However, after talking
with my young friend this morning, I realize how God does it and how He wants
us to follow His lead, with a simple wiping of the slate and starting fresh. I
saw how a second chance can really free a person, namely the one who is hurting
the most. So, I decided to forgive me, fully and completely for all the things
that I have been holding against myself for so long, with a simple do-over. I
also decided that by the grace of the One who knows me best, I can be okay with
a new chance to be a better more peaceful me. I suppose Anthony felt the same
kind of relief this morning as I do now, perhaps feeling as if he’s worthy of
another chance.
Like Anthony, I get to join in on the fun of life again…without
feeling guilty about yesterday’s mistakes.
